somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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