atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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