did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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