I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
