Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
