My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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