Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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