i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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