I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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