I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
