If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
