i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
