Please, let me fuck your mom
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
