I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
