I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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