We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
