I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize