yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
