i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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