youre lurking in front of me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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