ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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