The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
