Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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