Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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