so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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