i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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