Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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