Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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