you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
