Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
