He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
