did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
