That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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