mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
