she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
