READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
