I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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