Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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