They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
