I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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