she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
