You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
