it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
