It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
