as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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