friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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