Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
