well you can't waste a boner
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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