i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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