So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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