I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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