Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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