Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
