I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
