She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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