I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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