fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
