I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
