I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
