highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
