i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So. Much. Porn.
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