For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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