Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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